The Adventures of Jack Sparrow
by boandpop
Summary: I mean, CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow. See the highlights, and the lowlights that Jack Sparrow faces on a day to day basis. DO NOT READ IF YOU SUPPORT Jack and an original character. Plus, this has become a longterm thing. Jack is constantly horded by woman... in
1. Helllo, did you not read the script!

"A'ight," Said Jack as he pondered over the numbers laying in front of him. Though, numbers were a bit beyond the reach of a pirate that had never learned anything but letter 'X', and that was from lude Pirate-related jokes. None the less he'd figure out what this little squiggly line meant, without the help of someone else.

"Cap'n?" Asked a voice through the door. Jack's eyes darted up to the door before the voice repeated itself, "Cap'n, we're here." The sound of feet thundered away.

Sitting back, a pensive look crossed his face, which was an extremely rare thing for the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow. Though, it was covered quickly with a toothy grin. Ah, he'd get back to the lines and squiggles, **after** he'd gotten some food from land, and then some. Getting up, he walked toward the lush doors that lead to the deck of the Black Pearl. Ship that could out-sail any on the seas of the Caribbean. Several large stretches and a few unhealthy cracks, Jack was completely ready for just about any physical harm he'd have to endure. He really did have to stop talking to the local whores, they seemed to gain an unlike to him…

The sight was, well, pretty normal. A few buildings, a few people. Maybe this place wasn't as busy as Tourtuga as he'd heard, but that might be a good thing. Less people knew him here. Still…

A sudden force threw him back several feet as he looked down to see a bag sitting at him feet. He turned away for a second and winced slightly, before turning back to kick the bag hard. "Alright, who threw that at me? Captain Jack Spa-" Gibbs, who was standing a few feet away,

"She threw it and we know yer a captain, give it a rest," He nodded grimly at a girl who was standing on the gangplank. The girl gave a girlish giggle, trying to flirt as much as her bodice would allow. Course, she was too dolled up too really do anything beside bat her eyelashes.

Jack's jaw went slack as he saw the love of his life standing a few feet away. The girl ascended the plank, her hands tightly clamped together in front of her, and her blonde glowing hair sitting perfectly. She batted her eyelashes softly at him, as he stared directly…past her. He rushed forward, almost pushing her off the boat and dropped to his knees next to a barrel. "I haven't seen you for three days!" Patting the large barrel he sighed and pulled a nearby mug over.

The young girl stood slightly baffled at the captain. Gibbs, on the other hand, stood indifferent. "Least he's taking it better than last time…" Gibbs stood not-so-fondly remembering the last Jack-Rum Withdrawal, causing him to shudder slightly at the thought. Eventually he began going down the gangplank toward the town.

"I am Saraheth Willow-Balliol Porter Turner Wilsonton Prac of Royal Port. I am here too-" She began, as Jack waved a dismissing hand at her, as his eyes ran across the barrel once more, as though it was the most beautiful thing he'd seen in years. "Can't you see I'm busy." He said aggressively, not sparing her a glance as he stood up holding the large mug of rum.

"But I am an attractive female who's also royal and has a sudden knowledge of boats, pirating, sword-fighting and all that spoof, and you are supposed to fall in love with me and we sail off into the sunset, even though that is completely out of your personality." She said defiantly, throwing him a dirty look. Her hair continued to shimmer and glow against the setting sun, along with her golden dress edged with sapphires. There was a lone ruby in the center, which unlocked the secret to some random pirate treasure of Rah.

Jack took a moment too think this hideous proposal she'd well… proposed. "Are you alcoholic, valuable, tradeable in any way?" He asked, taking a sip of his rum.

"No."

Taking a moment to 'think', he sighed and decided to at least glance at her. His eyes were almost instantly burned with the shimmer. Looking away her kept his eyes shut trying to regain sight. "Are you, in any way, a 3-D character with thoughts and ideas that don't involve yourself, me or dresses with too many beads?"

"No."

"Have we met before, and have I any reason to love you, despite your lack of alcohol?"

"Not that I can think of…" Saraheh said softly, tilting her head slightly to the side.

"I am **Captain Jack Sparrow**. Not some two-bit lovesick cabin boy, savvy? Off my ship." Jack said, not moving an inch as he continued to indulge in one of his favourite pass-times, causing himself too slowly dipping out of the realm of consciousness and what was left of his ability to talk. He could hear the outraged 'huff' from the girl as she stormed off the ship quickly, kicking a barrel off on her way. A small attemptedly stifled shriek escaped Jack's lips. "Why is it ALWAYS the bloody rum?" He rushed to the side of the ship, too see if there was anything left, but of course it's syphoned out of the top and sunk to an unusual death. Taking his hat off, he held it too his heart for a moment, before placing it back and making his way down the gangplank to discover where his crew had gone, and hoped that, that strange Sarahehdhdfskfn whatever her name was, was gone. 'T was the life of a famous, and rather sought-after pirate known as Jack Sparrow.


	2. Fiery Passionate Fieryness of Pirates

**A/N: Ah Mary Sues. Gotta hate em./ Now, be aware this isn't the end, by now means. many many more to go through yet. As always, review and stuff and I will keep writing. Muahaha ahem. I'm open to suggestions too so never be afaird to say if you like/dislike soemthing. Or even if you ant to see something in the story.**

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**As Jack paraded down the streets inspecting the stalls and stores that lay around, he kept a close eye open for anyone he knew. Never did him well too know someone these days. After the warrant for his arrest had been risen by a load of pounds. He doubted half the civilians could even fathom counting that high. But, what was the point to worrying on this. He'd escape somehow. If not… well…

"Lovely," he said, a smirk parting his lips and baring gold-fitted teeth as he spotted a large sign boasting jewellery and golden/shiny/pretty coloured metals. AKA any pirates ideal sorta buffet. Though, the problem then meant that he was in fact a buccaneer because he was looting off the land and sea. Although, he was just going to take a few little gems. His hand continued to work it's way through the matted beard/goatee thing he had going, for he shrugged and walked toward the stall arms wide open. 

A young girl, of the mere age of 19 stood at the bridge of a large (and relatively expensive) ship, her dark hair blowing gracefully across her pale, yet tanned skin as the sun set giving her even more of a golden glow. Her eyes were fiery and a dared few glance into their fiery fiery-ness of fire. There was a large medallion hanging lightly off a gold chain around her neck which caused her no discomfort, despite the fact it was half the size of her head and twice the weight. The medallion held an eerie look too it, with a skull carved across it. Her thumb idly played against the bumps of the gold fondly, as she watched a man pass by, his pockets filled too the brim with ill-gotten gold. The corner of her mouth up-turned slightly at the sight of a pirate. She grabbed a nearby piece of rope and swung down to the man, her eyes not moving off him for an instant.

Jack raised an eyebrow at the peculiar sight of a young woman swinging down toward him using ship riggings, which probably would have made the ship slightly out of proportion. "How the hell didju (like did you)-?" He began pointing at the rope and the ship, before tracing his beard with his index finger and thumb as the girl brandished a rather nasty look and a gun. "Ah…" He said glancing down at the gun.

"I am here for your arrest, Mr. Sparrow." The girl said, through gritted teeth not taking her eyes off him. She seemed serious. Or he'd just happened to be under the influence, without knowing. Which were both likely candidates for this event.

Placing a finger on the top of the gun and pushing it aside with ease, he raised an eyebrow at her, "Lass, you think you could take me into the authorities wifout me getting away? Plus you're missing the powered wig of authority and – err – powered-ness." He said with a smirk, flashing his gold-capped teeth, "So if you don't mind I'll just be off on me onesies-" His voice trailed off once more as her expression did anything but show compassion or wooed-ness

She raised the gun again, and this time pointing it at his head. There was a loud sinister click from within the gun. She looked rather serious, at that. With a rather foreboding sigh he rolled his eyes, and drew his sword, and flicking it up and in effect disarming her. Putting his sword back he walked around her. "The wenches in this port are insane…" He said loudly, his voice forceful and on the verge of annoyed. He didn't pull the annoyed tone much. The only reason it was going on now was because first there was a wench who was throwing herself at him and now some British Navy wannabe pointing guns at him and swinging out of no-where.

The girl from before rushed up beside him looking rather annoyed, "I want too become a pirate." Jack's expression was now on the verge of deadly. With his jaw set in place he turned too the girl. "You, the person brandishing a gun in my face only moments ago, wants to delve into the world of piracy?" He asked, his thick black eyebrow furrowed together.

"Yes." She said, her arms crossed, "I am already Captain of that ship, now I see it fit too become a pirate and fulfil my pointless dream." Her voice was laced with a hint of brute irritation and strength.

With a brief thought about the matter, and the fact she was a young girl with a huge ship and way too many details for him to care about he had too ask, "Name?"

"My name is Leone Phiklemenne Sebbanticsi of Port Royal, where I am the half sister twice removed of Will Turner, and the cousin of a person who knows a guy who asked the time of Elizabeth. And I also have this magical medallion, which'll lead you and me to a whirlwind of lust and adventure and cursed treasure and-" She held up the medallion which glistened with an air of fieriness.

With his upper lip and eyebrows raised in mild disgust and shock, Jack stared vaguely at the girl who kept inching closer and closer toward him as she spoke. When she mentioned cursed treasure it was just too far… "Sod off.." Jack said, shaking his head turning away from her and continuing his path toward the next stall that caught his eye.

Without another word the girl jumped forward and grabbed into Jack dragging him into one of the most passionate and fiery kisses he'd ever had befall him. With untter distain and annoyance, Jack attaptmed to push her off, but she was practically latched onto his face with passion. And Fire. Der. She finally backed off before uttering "That was first kiss." Her voice giggling as he spluttered and gagged at the foul taste of Mary Sue hit the back of his throat suddenly.

"And I think I bloody know why!" Jack yelled, wiping his tongue and mouth on his shirtsleeve. "Oh god, all I can taste is poor plot points and overused vocabulary!" Jack screeched fierily, running back toward his ship, forgetting any attempts to rob or steal from the town. As his feet carried him through the streets he was grabbed countless times by woman who began telling him about themselves, through names and tears and kisses and – he shuddered for a moment become scrambling up the gangplank, smothered in rouge and blush. Without a second thought he located the timely spot to hide, he threw himself under the stairs leading up to the helm and pressed himself against the back of the wall. He could feel the waters and grounds below him throbbing at the number of feet that had suddenly begun rushing around. Gibbs, along with the other crewmembers scampered aboard the Black Pearl. All were covered in a similar fashion.

"Gibbs let's get out of here!" He yelled aggressively, throwing himself off from the wall and rounded the rest of the crew up "Doiltey, get your sorry arse up to the look-out point," A short pirate scrambled up toward the crows nest as Jack continued to yell toward his crew, "Kelta, Motely, Porden, Londer all of you take care of the canons. The rest of ye, secure the loose articles. Me thinks that there's going to be a little problem leaving port, savvy?" He asked, as the rest of the crew nodded and began securing barrels and riggings. He took a deep breath, looking around fro Anamaria. Spotting her, unscathed, he looked remotely befuddled, "You come with me up to the helm, love." He said, bolting up the stair, to take charge of the wheel. "Why aren't you in a sorry state like the rest of the crew?" he questioned, his hand trailing to where he usually left his compass, to find nothing.

"Because you encountered 'fan-girs' jack. None of em would look at me, let alone keep from burin' me as if I were a witch." She said, in a huff, and bringing out Jack's compass before handing it over. "You lent it to me last night remember?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

Jack stopped running his hands over miscellaneous parts of his body and took it happily. He'd have kissed it were Anamaria not standing a few feet away from him. "Aye, I do remember. Just testing you."

Ana scoffed and turned around toward the open ocean. "Lets hurry up before they get on-"

"JACK they've boarded!" A gurgled voice yelled from the foot of the stairs, before it being silenced by a gag. Jack, quickly by reflex, stuffed the compass into Ana's hand and drew his sword. "Stay here love this could get messy." A foot hit the first step as he looked around. This would not end well, and he could tell. It never did when you were faced by a settlement of the Mary-Sue republic. Worse than pirates they were…


	3. Captain Dork, er D'ork

**A/N: New Capter, blah blah blah don't own, blah blah blah, updating soon etc etc **

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As Jack stepped down toward the deck of his ship he was met with a peculiar sight.

Most of the people, well mostly women - hell ALL the women that had boarded the ship were shaped, sized differently with varying skins from pale to dark browns, and hair from platinum blonde to ebony. One or two of them made him double-take toward them out of their apperance. Both were almost carbon copies of himself, but more feminine. 'I'd like to speak with your Captain,' Jack said, poking a nearby woman in the back of the shoulder. She turned around and flicked her fiery red hair and batted her fiery eyelashes of passionate fire. Her clothes were typical of the rest of the women here, clean yet worn and covered in beads and jewels and revealed a lot more than any normal woman would. Finally an upside about all this hijacking business. He returned his eyes to her face after surveying the gaggle of females that were searching the ship for all it was worth. She had finished her sentence about her pet when she was five and gave a brief nod toward where the captain was, but not before giggling once more, and leaning forward slightly.

Jack waved a hand toward her in thanks and then took to ignoring her. He looked around for a second before turning toward where she'd nodded to, as she burst into tears and demanded that he'd said that he loved her and how she was not a piece of meat and how he was being a heartless pirate before rushing past him and into the lower ship, yelling something how he would have traded her life and virtue for treasure. "That girl had me to the tee, 'Cept for loving her." He said with a smirk. Taking a few steps toward the captain of the ship he realized that she had not yet been described.

"Yes!" he said, happily and under his breath, making a tiny fist of triumph. Wait, she? Since when are there female captains in the Spanish Main? Jack scratched his head, partially from lice and partially from the thought that had just beset him.

The captain in question lifted her head to look at Jack. Her hair was a wavy, yet straight, yet frizzy yet flat with a brunette base with golden blonde and ebony black spun through it mysteriously with a small shimmer of auburn red. Her skin was pale, yet tanned from her years at sea. Her almond shaped eyes were similar colour to the ocean and just as fiery and unpredictable as the sea, but showed a more passionate loss and grief-filled past as well as her lusting toward Jack for her years at sea that she'd spent at sea. Did I mention she'd been out at sea for a long time? Because she has. Her fencing, combat, hand-on-hand and with weapons, ballet skills were well known and Jack knew that they surpassed his.

"-Which is a total lie. I could beat her at fencing, combat, hand-on-hand and with weapons, ballet skills any day or time-" Jack grumbles during the monologing speech that was taking place.

Her eyes reflected pirates that beset the loss of her parents in a treacherous attack on her town, which was nowhere near the coast and was known for being dreadfully poor, yet they still went 50 miles in to get at her town. And because she is a girl her mother was poor and brutally murdered and her father was a drunk who beat her up regualry. Yep, no love for poor ol' Mystery Lady so she was a cunning mean woman with logical thought, rather than human emotion. Her mind was swept clear of the attacks on her by her own flesh and blood, but she had her reliable pet parrot to set things straight with her. Her skin was a peaches and cream complexion with no flaws. That's right, despite how she lives on the sea and how she has no means to wash her face regularly, let alone her entire body, she has perfected and clear skin. Don't we all? Her eyes was a long and slender shape and definitely not almond-shaped in any way, showing her Asian ancestry, along with her English, Irish and some other obscure places ancestry. Her eyes were a deep brown with flecks of red, purple, orange, green, silver and a rad of yellow if you squint. And tilt your head to the right, and point your fingers and do the twist.

"Captain Jack Sparrow." The woman said with a smile painted across her rose-pink lips. They were very perfectly shaped, and were hiding a luscious pair of white teeth of perfection. Like the rest of her.

"Hu-wha? It's over? Thank god…" Jack said, getting up off the floor where he'd taken to sprawling out and sleeping for a few minutes.

She gracefully descended the barrel she'd been sitting on and did a sort of curtsy to him, her eyes a fiery portal of charm and elegance, apparently, "It's a fine honour to meet a man such as yourself. I am Captain Fee Le D'Ork." Her mouth played softly at the corners as he looked at her very baffled.

"No talk of your past?" Jack said, looking at the woman n shock and surprise, raising his pointer fingers on each hand he nervously tried to smile, "No – No nothing?" Jack said, almost gasping. Taking a step back he was met with a jab from a cutlass.

"No," She took a few steps toward the retreating man, "Not unless you wish me to tell you, but it is quiet an interesting sto-" Jack cut her off with a waving of his hands, and a 'shhh' sound, "Aye, well I am here to tell you I have the pendant to a treasure and your happen to have the other half. Hand it over and you get your ship back." She said, her arms now crossed across her corset.

"I have what, Captain Dork-"

"it's D'ork."

"Difference?"

"Yes."

"Captain D'Ork, what is it I have?"

"Your compass Jack."

"Captain Sparrow."

"No."

"Fine, Dork."

"Captain Sparrow"

"You ain't getting my compass, Captain D'Ork." Jack said, his hand tracing where he'd left the compass, and patting it gently. Wait, he gave the compass to Anamaria didn't he? "Crap…" Jack muttered making a cutting hand-gesture across his neck.

-Ten Minutes Later After Total Blackness-

Jack waved his hands softly trying to get the collective giggle of girls to go quiet, whilst laughing softly himself, "-so Then I said to 'im he could have me plunder but he wasn't getting the fluffy pick handcuffs." There was a collective laughter at the rather hilarious anecdote. Several of the girls were laughing a little too hard, but Jack didn't seem to mind nor notice.

"Ahem, Captain Sparrow, you get the compass?" Said the enraged Captain D'Ork.

Jack rolled his eyes and stepped off the giant, plush and satin pillow he'd been lounging in. "Aye, aye. Now let me see the other half of this 'pendant'." Jack said pocketing the compass quickly.

D'Ork pulled out her half of the pendant revealing a rather tacky piece of jewellery that resembled that of the Aztec gold. Jack stretched his hand out expectedly, to have her pull it back. With a sigh, Jack simply pulled her into a pointless kiss and managed to rip the pendant out of the girl's hand. Twisting his face up aggressively, he began flicking his tongue, "Tastes like dirt," He said, angrily. Bad enough that earlier that day he'd been almost raped by that woman earlier and now he was forcing himself on them. "Why can't there be a half-decent woman on this ship that doesn't taste like plots gone wrong…" Jack mused to himself. He turned his attention to the newly acquired pendant, before pocketing it and drawing a gun on the Captain standing before him, "I've said it already today, an' I'll say it again. Off the ship." He cocked his gun, waving it toward the gangplank.


End file.
